The Daily Cannibal

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You Are The Dead Posted: 26 Mar 2015 03:15 PM PDT Let’s play a guessing game. I’m going to list ten adjectives or phrases, and you tell me which potential presidential candidate comes to mind. Not who I am describing, mind you — just who pops into your head: — polarizing — calculating — disingenuous — insincere — ambitious — inevitable — entitled — over-confident — secretive — will do anything to win — represents the past — out of touch. Well, whoever you guessed, I hope it wasn’t Hillary Clinton (but it was, wasn’t it?), because according to a group called “Super Volunteers For Clinton,” you’re not allowed to use any of those words or phrases to describe her. Why? Because sexism, that’s why. According to the WaPo: Hillary Clinton has been in the public eye for a very long time, which means much has been written about her — including quite a few adjectives. But some of these adjectives are now off-limits. That’s according to the Clinton “Super Volunteers,” who have promised to track the media’s use of words they believe to be sexist code words. So these words are now off the table: “polarizing,” “calculating,” “disingenuous,” “insincere,” “ambitious,” “inevitable,” “entitled,” “over-confident,” “secretive,” “will do anything to win,” “represents the past,” and “out of touch.” Chilling, isn’t it? An interesting amuse bouche for those who want a taste of the menu a Clinton administration might propose for our consumption. Of course, this asinine attempt to muffle the opposition won’t discourage many critics, partly because they will hoot with derision at the presumption, and partly because many of these adjectives are remarkably apt descriptors of the person in question, but as funny as the title “Clinton Super Volunteers” may seem to you (“double-secret probation?”) we find little to laugh about. We can’t help hearing a disembodied voice say from behind a mirror: “You are the dead.” This star chamber of hyperventilating hysterics sees no danger in attempting to dictate which adjectives we may use. Their cause is just. Right-minded thinkers must prevail. Dissent must be ruthlessly suppressed, and individual rights are always secondary to the greater good for the many. Jazz hands, everyone. Jazz hands.

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